


Vampires Are Fucking Lame

by orphan_account



Category: South Park
Genre: :(, Character Turned Into Vampire, Disabled Character, F/F, F/M, Harm to Animals, Human/Vampire Relationship, Immortality, M/M, Poor Life Choices, Superheroes, Vampires, alternate title- Hot Garbage, have fun reading, vampires are still lame in this universe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-06-10
Packaged: 2019-05-02 21:25:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14553855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Kyle started going crazy after he realized that his life didn't change much from when he was a kid. His parents, despite many arguments on it, never separated. He kept the same friends he's had since grade school, some of the new kids going on to hang out with other people the day after he met them. Hell, even the town hasn't experienced any major changes.But after running in with two very new people that refused to lose contact with him, his life changed, and he suddenly wished that it would all go back to normal.





	1. (1)

_"Yeah, life sucks sometimes, but it'll pass."_

This was how he dealt with shit like this.

Kyle sat on the floor of his bathroom, unmoving, staring up at the ceiling as if it was the most interesting thing to him. For some god-awful reason, the result of his breakdown had caused him to shave off all the hair on his head. Granted, there was still some left, but it was too short for him to care.

After it was done, he couldn't look at himself in the mirror. He knew how everyone would react to seeing him like this- his mom would complain about how her precious bubula shouldn't have done something like that to what used to be a tangled mop of greasy red hair, his friends would make fun of him because they would assume he was just doing it to look cool, and literally anyone else he didn't have a close connection to would double-take at his new haircut.

He wanted to think that everyone's opinions didn't matter, but it was that same reason that led him there in the first place. Though it sounded stupid, he had begun to realize that everything that was going on in his life was just a repeat of how it was in elementary school. Once it hit him like a bag of bricks, he felt like he couldn't breathe anymore. Anytime he'd try something different, it would fail, and he would end up back at square one. Soon, this short head of hair he's acquired would soon grow back, and people would remember it as being a phase and nothing else.

By the time his hair would grow back, he'd settle back into the plain, boring persona that everyone knew. He was tired of everyone, even those he's loved, criticizing him and making sure that he didn't do anything to change himself. He wanted to sincerely change parts of his life- dye his hair, maybe get a tattoo or work somewhere that nobody in their right mind would even consider getting.

But he couldn't.

Everytime he tried, he would forget one simple thing, and that would lead to him scrapping the whole thing entirely.

As Kyle brushed away strands of his curly hair still left on the floor, he reminded himself that hiding out in the bathroom would be terrible. Soon enough, his family would realize that he's been in there too long, and will get caught.

He needed to go somewhere that he could be alone.

And he had one place in mind.

It took a lot to convince himself to get up and leave the bathroom. He didn't even bother putting on his coat, slipping on a pair of slippers that was nearby, not caring if it were his mother's. Once he stepped out and saw his destination, like a moth to a flame, he was drawn to it.

He crossed the street, over an abandoned railroad track, and stopped.

There used to be multiple buildings here, all beautiful and running way past curfew for all of the night owls and single women to get hookups from various drunk men. But now it was empty. Everything was rotting away, giving off a vibe that made him think that he was caught in the middle of a zombie apocalypse. Kyle had to remind himself that this was the best place in the entire city to be alone before forcing himself step in the area.

He avoided the many shards of glass and needles laying on the ground, knowing that the slipper's soles were too thin to block it out, and sat down inside of the room he usually stayed in. He was in the same position he sat in when he was in the bathroom, but the new environment and fresh air made a huge difference.

For a moment, everything was peaceful. Kyle was coming down, and he felt like he was as calm as he was hours before the breakdown ever happened.

"Hello there, stranger."

Kyle froze. When he looked up, he almost jumped out of his skin at the sight of a stranger standing just a few feet away from him. The man looked homeless- Dirt covering the outside of his faded orange parka, caking his skin, in his hair, and some stuck in his teeth. If Kyle squinted really hard, he'd be able to see that his natural hair color was blond and not brown. The only thing that wasn't covered with dirt was his eyes, a beautiful shade of baby blue.

Kyle's eyes widened at the sight of his arms. While one crossed over his chest, the other was missing half of it, the sleeve ending in a knot where the rest of his arm was supposed to be. He decided not to stare at it for too long, and instead focus on the man's eyes.

The grin on his face suggested that he wasn't as mean as he was trying to be. When Kyle didn't respond, the blond continued, "What brings you here? I don't usually get any visitors."

"Oh, I'm sorry if I'm trespassing." He scratched the back of his neck, "I thought this area was abandoned. I come here to unwind sometimes."

"And yet I don't see any drinks laying around."

Kyle let out a small laugh.

"Yeah, I just... y'know, I like the scenery. It relaxes me."

"What, this pile of garbage?"

The room he was hiding out in looked like it was on the verge of collapsing. The support beams were cracked, and some even looked like it had snapped in half a long time ago.

"I think it looks nice."

"You'd be the only one."

"That's what I hoped. I didn't think anyone would find me here."

"Ah, you want to be alone, huh?" When Kyle nodded sheepishly, he sighed, "I hate to ruin the moment for ya, but if you stay in that spot any longer, then you'll get crushed by the ceiling."

"Really?" He asked as if he wasn't counting on it.

"Yeah, this whole thing's been unstable since everyone left, and uh... it's not very wise to hang out around a place that still looks intact, or still has a roof over it. You'll get crushed."

"I'll move, then." He muttered.

Kyle stood up. He took a few steps towards the stranger, stopping once he had reached back outside.

Now he wished he brought a jacket. Maybe some actual fucking shoes.

"Yeah, I don't mean to sound rude or anything, but I think it would be best to just... leave entirely. Nobody should be around here at all- it's way too dangerous."

"Then why are you here?"

"Well, that's just different, see- I live here."

"You live here?"

"Fun story, my family lived here before this damn thing was built, and they just decided to build around the house, y'know, as if we weren't there."

Kyle recalled seeing a green shack in the middle of everything, but he didn't dare go near it. At the time, he told himself that he would rather die from getting crushed by the building rather than possibly get kidnapped by any drug dealers that would probably use it as some sort of hideout.

"You live in there?"

"Since the day I was born."

Kyle wondered how that went. He came here to relax on his worse days- but what would it be like to actually live there? To be able to step outside and retreat to a hiding spot instead of walking all the way over here from where he lived. He supposed that it was probably not a good place to live, but the thought of it made him slightly jealous of this guy's lifestyle. Even seeing him right now, so happy and relaxed in front of an intruder...

"And yet, I've never met you."

"I'm not surprised. Why travel such a long way just to meet people?"

"Actually, My house isn't far from here."

"Is that why you're out here in your slippers?"

"Well, I would've gone barefoot, but my mom would've killed me." He laughed.

Then it trailed off, and Kyle found himself speaking in a quieter tone.

"Does it get... bad?"

"How do you mean?"

"The area. I heard that some hobos and drug dealers sneak in here to... y'know."

The blond smiled even wider.

"Normally, that would be a problem, but we've got someone protecting us."

"Someone protecting...?"

He continued as if Kyle didn't repeat what he just said, "The only thing that we have to worry about here is the weather. The shit-shack I live in isn't very good at keeping it out when it's at its worst."

He nodded, pursing his lips before daring to change the subject.

"So you've lived here since..."

"Since the day I was born."

"How long is that, if you don't mind my asking?"

"16 years."

"16? Do you go to the high school?"

He shook his head, "Never been enrolled. My parents wanted to teach me instead, but they're not doing a good job."

Kyle's expression softened, "Oh. That's probably why I haven't met you yet."

"You've never met me because nobody likes coming out here." He held out his dirt-covered hand, "The name's Kenny, by the way."

He gingerly took it, "Kyle. And I mean, I probably should've met you before this. I come here all the time."

"Cause of the scenery?"

"Yeah, sort of. It's also very close to where I live." He pointed towards his house, "Literally across the street."

A look of realization crossed Kenny's face

"Ah, you're Gerald's son?"

His face lit up, "Yeah, you know my dad?"

"My dad doesn't like your dad. Told me to avoid going to your house if I was heading into town."

"Oh."

"Mortal enemies- and their kids are now friends."

"Yeah, let's see how long it'll last."

"My mom won't care- my dad might, but it depends on what mood I catch him in."

Oh, how Kyle envied the guy.

"Guess our home lives are a lot more different than I thought."

"What about you?"

"I told you my reason for being here if that's what you're asking-"

"No- how's it like living in your house? One that doesn't leak?"

Loud. Overwhelming.

"Uh, no comment."

Kenny laughed, almost snorting. The sound of it put Kyle in a better mood.

"I like you, Kyle. A little... Interesting, but otherwise okay."

"Same to you, dude. Hey, I-"

And suddenly, the words got caught in his throat.

"KYLE!"

Kyle panicked at the sound of his shrill mother's voice. Poor woman always worried-

"Look, uh- I didn't- fuck. I didn't tell my mom that I was leaving, and she's... protective."

"Yeah, I probably had to go anyway. It was nice talking to you, though. Maybe we could do it again?"

He highly doubted it.

"For sure."

Kyle carefully stepped over a few shards covering the ground, before running as fast as could towards his house without tripping

 


	2. (2)

Kyle thought that the first time he saw Kenny would also be the last time.

He couldn't remember the last time he made a friend that he hung out with for more than just a day. If they passed in the halls, sure they'd look at each other a maybe wish them a good morning, but that was just about it. Usually, they'd find someone else to be their friend, and Kyle would have to go back to the crowd he normally hung out with.

The next time he saw Kenny was only a few days after their first interaction. After Kyle finally convinced his mom that he could leave on his own, the first thing he did was on a walk to clear his head, thankfully wearing his coat and shoes this time. He knew he would probably get sick of it if he did it every damn night, but he couldn't help it.

By the time he crossed the street, he already saw the familiar kid adorning the orange clothing. He was about to pass him, head into town, but was stopped by the same person he was trying to avoid.

"Hey, Kyle!"

He blinked in surprise. When he saw Kenny waving him over, he stumbled towards him instead. So much for going into town.

"Hey... Ken."

"Look at my new friend."

Kyle almost screamed, jumping back at the sight of a rat in his friend's hand. Thankfully, he was wearing a glove while holding him, but it still made him

"Put that thing down."

"What, you afraid of rats? Quit it, and say hi to Sally."

"That was how the Black Plague spread."

"The what?"

"The Black Death? The illness that killed millions of Europeans?"

"That's just silly."

"No, it's not. The rats spread the disease." He eyed it down warily, "Now, it might not be around anymore, but rats can still carry a number of diseases that they can easily give to you. Please put it down."

"But I'm not touching it with my bare hand. I got gloves on."

"Do it for my sake- I've got a shitty immune system, and breathing the same air as it could get me sick."

"Oh- well why didn't you say so?" He squatted down, letting the rat run around in the snow.

"I hoped that you'd be more interested in your health than mine."

He laughed, "No- not even a little."

A scream interrupted them both. When more yelling followed, along with the sound of glass breaking, Kenny slouched just a little.

"Let's go- on a walk. We can hang out at the park."

Kyle knew better than to ask about it.

"Oh boy, oh boy."

But Kenny was already walking.

"Don't tell me you don't like playing at these places."

"I'm too old for them."

"Definitely not too tall." He snickered, causing Kyle to playfully shove him.

"You're barely taller than I am."

"Still taller."

When they reached the park, Kyle had to pause.

He couldn't place the word to describe his mood, but he always felt it in times like these. That eerie feeling you get when you visit places that are crowded during the day but completely vacant at night. It wasn't fun, and even when Kenny happily strolled over to take his seat, Kyle hesitantly started collecting his thoughts.

"Used to come here all the time." He muttered, smiling.

"What changed?"

"Lots."

Kyle took his seat.

"I've never really liked going to parks with my mom. She wouldn't let me play on anything."

"I used to come here with my siblings, but they both moved out when I was 9, and I don't want my parents coming along."

"You have siblings?"

"Yeah. Funny story, actually. Last time we were here, my little sister tried to climb the monkey bars, and she fell flat on her face."

"That's... fun."

"Yeah- I mean, at the time, it wasn't really..."

Kyle heard Kenny's sentence trail off. Though his lips continued to move, his voice continued and had eventually trailed off until there was nothing coming out of it at all.

And then, he heard something replace his voice.

_This is not a test or an SOS_

_I'm no longer on a quest to get girls undressed_

_I searched through their hearts and no treasure I found_

_I'm so lucky this one lets dogs hang around_

Kyle had continued giving Kenny the same dopey expression as he talked, though he wasn't listening to him talk anymore. The music replaced his words, forcing Kyle to focus on literally anything else he was doing. How energetic he was, using wild hand gestures with only one hand while talking-

_It's good having somebody good for a change_

_I thought that no good, dirty cheats had drove me insane_

Kyle had also noticed that something about his appearance was... off. There was a strong pink aura surrounding him, blocking out everything in his vision that wasn't him.

_I had finally given up on love and romance_

Kenny stopped.

_If I lay down the sword, I'm giving my innocence_

After Kenny snapped his fingers in front of his face, Kyle blinked, shaking his head and snapping out of his temporary daze.

"Earth to Kyle- you feeling okay?"

"I, uh, yes. Sorry."

"You were just... spacing out." He faced the rat in his hands again, "And, I know it sounds crazy, but I thought I heard music playing."

Kyle rubbed his eyes.

"Yeah, I heard it too. Think some idiot's around here is playing it?"

"Around here? Hell no. Kids are too chicken to come near this part of town at this time of day."

"We live in the same part of town."

"You don't know, Kyle. People could be afraid of gingers."

"I don't think they would be afraid of me. I bruise easily."

Kenny sucked his breath in sharply, "That's not a good trait to have."

"Can't help it. It's a condition I have, where-" Kyle pondered, but ended up sighing, "Nevermind. You wouldn't... really understand."

"No no- what's the condition?"

"It's called Hemophilia."

Kenny's hand twitched.

"Never heard of it."

"All you need to know is that I bruise easily- and my blood doesn't clot on its own. Also, I might get random nosebleeds, but it's all perfectly fine."

"Sounds terrible."

"It's not that big of a deal, but my mom treats it as if it were the end of the world. One paper cut, and she thinks I'm gonna die from it."

Kenny snorted at that, "What, did she childproof your room too?"

"Every room. Except for the stairs- if she realized that I'll die from falling down the stairs, she'd get rid of them."

"Sounds dumb."

"Well, she cares about me, so she gets a pass."

There was a pause.

Kyle looked over at Kenny, but the blond was staring down at the ground with a satisfied smile plastered on his face. His gaze went down as well, but stopped at his arm. Well- half of one.

"Dude, you're staring."

He quickly averted his gaze.

"How'd you lose it?" Kyle tensed, "If it's not too much, man. If you don't want to say it, you don't have to-"

"No no, It's fine. People usually ask about it, and I answer them."

"Okay.." He finally got a good look at it again, "What happened?"

"It got caught in a broken washing machine when I was 9 and at my aunt's house. The stupidest fucking reason." He waved his stump around.

His expression softened, "That's not stupid. Washing machines are dangerous."

"Really?" Kenny gave him a look.

"I'm serious! If you're in a washing machine while it's on, you can die. Scratch that- I'm positive you'll die."

Kenny smiled, "Thanks."

"I'm not joking. Washing machines are dangerous- and dryers are just as bad. If you get put in a dryer, you'll burn to a crisp."

Kyle wasn't sure if these facts were true or not, but he knew that Kenny wouldn't be fact checking anytime soon.

"Why do people have death machines in their houses?"

"Because washing all your clothes by hand is hard and requires effort."

"I don't own either of those things, and I'm doing just fine."

Kyle looked at the dirt in his clothing, and gave him a blank stare.

"Right."

"That's just my jacket, dude."

A pause.

"I can wash it for you. If you want."

"But then it's just going to get dirty again."

"It's your choice. I mean, when was the last time you actually cleaned it?"

Kenny pursed his lips thoughtfully, before unzipping his jacket.

"You don't have to give it to me right-"

Kenny cut him off by throwing the jacket at him. Kyle almost fell over in surprise.

"Sorry." He muttered.

Without his jacket on, it took Kyle a lot to convince himself not to look at the stump he had for an arm. He instead looked at the dirty jacket in his hands.

The song came back.

_Comin' for your heart like a cannibal_

_Oh, she lets me right in and I'm fed 'til I'm full_

"Kyle!"

Kyle snapped right out of it when the sound of his mother's voice echoed through the streets.

Kenny's eyes narrowed, "Doesn't she know that you're outside?"

"I thought she did." He muttered.

Kyle got up from the seat and started to walk towards the noise, but paused before he could get too far. He looked back at Kenny, he looked down at himself, and back up at Kenny again before he began unbuttoning his jacket.

"Whoa, what are you doing-"

He held it out to him.

"Use mine in the meantime."

"Isn't your mom going to be pissed?" He muttered, though took it when it was close enough to him.

"Only if she finds out." He smiled, "I have to go- see you later, Kenny."

And then, just as he had nights before, Kyle ran off to calm down his worried mother

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song- Cannibal Queen by Miniature Tigers


	3. (3)

It turns out that washing Kenny's jacket wasn't as hard as he thought it would be. With the help of his mother, he got the job done by Sunday, and was ready to give it back to Kenny in exchange for the jacket he let him borrow.

He wasn't sure what his plan was. If Kenny wasn't conveniently hanging out around the crappy buildings surrounding his house, then he'd had to go up to the shack and ask whoever answered if Kenny was home. He heard his parents the second time they hung out together, and assumed that they probably weren't the friendliest parents on the block. Would they even be pleased to see that someone like him had been friends with their son? Would they care?

_My mom won't care- my dad might, but it depends on what mood I catch him in._

Kyle repressed a shudder.

As he approached the house, he suddenly wished that he came around earlier. It seemed creepier at night, with the only light coming from the ends of the curtains.

His steps faltered once he actually reached the front. It wasn't because of the questions, though- it was mostly because he spotted a figure sitting off to the sight.

He couldn't have been older than 50, definitely wearing more than just a few layers. He might've been in the middle of something, but Kyle obviously interrupted him, seeing the surprised expression on his face.

"Hey- Hey kid. Come over here." His voice was raspy, setting off major red flags in his mind.

Kyle backed up a little more.

"I'm not that intimidating, am I?"

"Leave me alone." Kyle snapped, thanking God that he sounded braver than he felt.

When the guy got closer, Kyle continued to back away from him, even preparing to run if hell broke loose and he was left with no other option.

"You want to make some money?" He muttered with a smile, not willing to back down.

A shiver ran up Kyle's spine at the words. He scowled at the older man for even considering that he would be okay with what he wanted to happen.

"No-"

"Come on. It'll be real quick, and I'll give you 30 dollars. by the end of it."

"Fuck off."

At the sound of more footsteps, Kyle quickly spun around, barely recognizing the person only a few inches in front of him before a fist connected with his face. The force was almost intense enough to give him whiplash, and because of it, he fell back onto the snow. He felt confused. He wanted nothing more to do than to gain full consciousness again, beat the shit out of both of them for touching him with his permission-

But then it stopped.

He didn't realize that he was moving until he stopped abruptly, almost getting kicked in the head by the guy who was now trying to run away. His ears were ringing loudly, but he swore he could hear the distant sound of people yelling.

When the world around him stopped spinning as badly, and his vision cleared up, he could finally make out the person who had decided to join the three of them. He was crouched down next to him, using one of his arms to check for a pulse. From what Kyle could see, he was dressed in dark clothing that did a good job of concealing his identity. There was also a chance that he was wearing briefs on the outside of his pants, but Kyle didn't think it was important to enough to address just yet. He reminded himself that it was something he had to bring up in conversation later.

The stranger probably said something important while helping him sit up, but Kyle wasn't really paying attention to it. Thankfully, when he sneezed, it seemed like everything went back to normal. Sure, there was a terrible pounding sensation in his head, but he knew that he'd get over it soon.

"Oh- Fuck."

And Kyle could agree. When he looked down, he saw that the junkies punched his nose with enough force to bruise it, and just let it bleed all over the place.

"At least it still works." He muttered, looking back up to meet what he hoped was a concerned glare, "Who are you?"

"I am Mysterion."

"Great, another question, what are you wearing."

He paused.

"That's not important."

Kyle, thinking that it was funny in his delirious state, used one of his free hands to grab the waistband to the underwear, pulled it back, and let it go. Then, he started laughing.

"Idiot."

"I'm not the one who's hurt- what the fuck were you doing?"

"Returning something." He muttered. He didn't know where the bag was at the moment, but he'd probably find it once he started looking.

"It's dangerous around here. There's druggies everywhere, and- have you met the family in there? It's a fucking hell house!"

If it were possible, A light bulb would've appeared over his head.

"You know the guy that lives in there?"

"Uh..."

"The teenager?"

"Yeah?"

Kyle's eyes narrowed, and he scanned the surrounding area until his eyes landed on a bag not too far away. He scooted over, grabbed it, and threw it in Mysterion's direction.

"I washed his jacket, do you think you could give it to him for me?"

"Is that really what you're concerned about!"

"Yes?"

He cringed, "Your nose is bleeding like a faucet."

"I'm used to 'em- could you give the guy in there this jacket?"

He took the jacket. For a moment, he just quietly stared at it.

"I'll get you home. You need to, uh..."

"Yeah. I know."

Mysterion helped him up. When he saw that Kyle stumbled a little as he walked, he continued holding on to his hand.

"Uh, where to?"

"I'm... right across the train tracks."

Mysterion took one last look around, before beginning his walk. It was shorter than expected, but Kyle had dozed off and went on autopilot when it started, so it looked like he was in front of Kenny's house one minute and in front of his own the next.

Truly a magical experience.

"Thanks..."

"I'd help you inside, but..."

"No, no it's good."

"Also, don't go back there. It's dangerous enough as it is."

Kyle knew he wouldn't remember that by the time he woke up the next morning.

"Okay."

"But, I'll be sure to give Kenny the uh.. jacket."

"Thanks, dude."

"No problem, Kyle."

At the time, he didn't think much about how this stranger knew his name. At the time, he also didn't notice how one of his arms, the one holding the bag, looked limp. Like it was lifeless.

Instead, he just grinned and waved at him, walking back into his house as if it were just any other day.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More characters? Next chapter? It's more likely than you think


	4. (4)

When Kyle woke up that morning, he didn't know why he was shocked to find a huge bruise near the center of his face. Right where he had been punched.

It took a lot for him to get the courage to leave the bathroom after seeing it- not too big, but noticeable enough for everyone to know that he was hurt. If his mom noticed, he wouldn't have been able to leave the god damn house, waiting for it to heal so that nobody else could see it.

He spent the morning as he usually did- got dressed in more than just a few layers to please his mom, eat something so he wouldn't get yelled at by his mom, and left the house before his dad could ask why he was still in the house or his mom would ask if he needed to stay home from school.

Just as he always did.

Luckily, the bus stop wasn't too far from where he lived. 2 people stood at the bus stop already, his friend Stan and a huge dick named Cartman, but at first they seemed to be too absorbed in their own conversation to notice Kyle walk up.

"No, we shouldn't continue selling lemon bars." Cartman insisted, "I think we should use force. Trust me."

"You're not listening to me, and I'm not trusting a God damn word you say until you-"

"What the fuck Kahl!" Eric suddenly yelled, interrupting what Stan was saying to point out Kyle's face.

The other turned. Kyle caught a glimpse of a stressed look that quickly melted away once facing him, even after he got a good look at his face.

"Whoa, bruise!" Stan grinned at the sight of it.

"Someone tried punching your Jew nose back into place." Cartman laughed, "It's about fucking time."

"I fell," Kyle muttered through gritted teeth.

"With a nose like that?" He used hand gestures to exaggerate the size. "I doubt it."

Kyle took a breath.

"If that's the case, I'm surprised that your face isn't covered in bruises by now."

"I don't bruise as easily as you do, Jew."

"So that means that people have already done it- and you didn't come to me about it after? I would've finished the job."

"Wouldn't want to break your dainty lady hands."

"Don't worry, the fat covering your face will soften the impact. Well- for me. I bet I could give you a bruise to match without hurting myself."

"Your knuckles get bruised after a fist bump."

"You start crying after Stan gives you high fives."

"They're really strong!" He yelled in defense, knowing all too well that he was guilty of doing it.

"No, they're not." Stan finally chimed in, gracing the conversation with his quiet snickering.

"He gives me high fives."

The bus pulled up. Cartman shoved Kyle into the bus pole, furious from the conversation, and wanting to get on first as an apology.

"Don't worry dude. He'll get over it."

He grunted. While arguments usually happened between the two of them, he was glad that the bus pulled up before Cartman would do something drastic. Stan offered another grin, and helped Kyle get on the bus before he did.

"Wait, hold the doors!"

Stan stepped back, seeing someone else trying to get on the bus. At first glimpse, he thought she was his girlfriend, but a longer glance confirmed the opposite. Instead of wearing mostly purple and pink, this black-haired girl had a whole yellow color scheme going on. He simply allowed her to go before him, also swiping the seat he was supposed to sit in.

When he realized that a stranger sat next to him, Kyle flashed Stan a look he knew all too well. He mouthed a quick _sorry_  and sat in the empty row right across from him.

"Hi, my name's Leslie."

She stuck out a hand, and Stan could only watch Kyle grimace as she gripped it tightly and shook it.

Kyle somehow smiled through it, "Sorry- I'm Kyle."

"Why'd you apologize?"

"You met me."

Leslie tilted her head, and let out a convincing laugh.

"It's nice to meet you."

"It's nice to meet you too." His eyes narrowed, "Is there something you needed?"

"Yes, actually. I'm looking for people that'll go to my birthday party this weekend."

"You just met me."

She sighed, slouching in her seat.

"I'm trying to convince my mom that I made friends here. I'm new- and if she sees that I haven't, she'll throw another fit."

His face lit up, "Yeah, I hear that."

"You've got parents like that too?"

"Just the mom. How many people are coming? If I'm not busy that day, I'll try to stop by."

"That's great! Do you mind sharing this with your friends? I need a lot of people to come."

"I'll do what I can, but let me tell you, you'll get a lot more people than I can. Being the new kid and all."

She laughed, and Stan had been around girls long enough to spot out a fake laugh a mile away. It was the 'I'm just laughing at your jokes to impress you' kind of laugh that gave Stan a headache when he heard it.

"You're so right!" Seriously, this chick's mannerisms outmatched the Raisins' employees, "Thank you for helping me out. I appreciate it."

And Kyle fell for all of it.

"No problem, Leslie. Good luck with that."

The bus pulled to a stop in front of the school. Leslie shot up, making her way down the aisle and out the door before anyone could beat her to it. Stan took this opportunity to file behind Kyle in the long line leading out of the bus.

"Nice girl. I hope she gets enough people to come over."

Stan scoffed.

"What?"

"You-" Stan chose to spare his feelings, "Didn't even invite me. I'm hurt. I thought we were besties."

"Fuck you, man."

"Sorry- I should've realized it was chicks-only when she told you."

Kyle's lips curled into a small smile.

"And if Wendyl saw you trying to get one?"

"I'd be dead where I stand."

Wendyl had been his girlfriend for as long as he could remember, but in recent times, she had begun to question his loyalty. Though she wouldn't break up with him because of those suspicions, that didn't stop her from confronting Stan every single time he even breathed the same air as another woman.

But, he loved her. So she got a pass.

"You should give 'em one."

"One for Wendyl, and not for me? Now I'm offended."

"Maybe Wendy- Wendyl- maybe they'll show it to all of their friends. Leslie could get more people to her party if you give Wendyl the invite."

"You know how she acts when there's a new girl." Stan muttered, "You'll have to ask her yourself, or she'll freak out."

"It's she today?" Kyle asked quietly.

"Unless she changed it."

"Okay- and yeah I'll ask her. Where does she usually hang out?"

"I don't fucking know, look for a bright pink hat. She's easy to spot."

As if it were a scene straight out of a horror movie, Wendyl conveniently walked out from a hallway, and almost ran into the two of them with a quick "hi guys" as her greeting. They screamed in surprise, higher than they would ever admit to anyone who wasn't nearby to witness it happening. Wendyl broke, laughing so hard that she clutched her stomach.

"Dude!"

"I was just-" Wheezing, she was _wheezing_ , "I was just looking for you both, and-"

"Yeah, and you scared the crap out me." Stan put a hand on her shoulder to steady her, the gesture sweet enough for Kyle to smile, "Mostly Kyle, but he won't admit it."

"Hey." He snapped.

"No no, I'm just-" Then she started laughing again.

Once it died down, Kyle was the first to speak up.

"I was actually wondering if I could talk to you."

"Of course!" Wendyl cleared her throat, "What do you need?"

"You heard about the new girl Leslie, right?"

Her eye twitched. Stan kept quiet.

"Of course." A repeat of what she said last time, but this one held a more... malevolent tone to it.

"I was wondering if you could help me pass out invites to a party she's throwing. We talked earlier, and- she's trying to get as many people to come as possible."

"I can do that. Give me the invite, I'll help."

Kyle fished around for it in his pocket and pulled it out, neat and folded.

"All right, but could you at least tell me the details after you're done?"

"You're going?" Wendyl asked in disbelief. "I thought you hated parties."

"I'm stopping by. I'm not sure I can stay for long, but if her mom is the one planning this, I doubt anything bad will happen."

"You can't be too sure." She muttered, before strutting past, phone in hand and fingers typing furiously.

"I have a strong feeling!" Kyle called after her, mouth twitching into an unpleasant frown when he noticed that she didn't even acknowledge his last sentence.

"Huh." Stan huffed, watching her leave.

"You coming to the party?"

"I don't know, man. I was kinda-"

Kyle's attention suddenly snapped away once the familiar sound of forced laughter echoed through the halls. Stan stopped when he saw Kyle suddenly not pay attention, and instead focused on what he was looking at.

Leslie Meyers, the new kid, was chatting it up with one of those stupid vamp kids.

Every time Kyle saw them, he wanted to throw up. Those people have been dressing up and pretending to be views ever since they were kids and thought it was cool. He assumed that the trend would die down, but it proved to be the opposite when they carried the mentality with them to high school and started to get more people into it.

It wasn't just their clothes that made him gag, though they were the worst things he's ever seen. Every single normal person he's met, including the goth kids, all shared the same opinion about them::

Vamp kids are fucking lame.

"Oh my God." Kyle almost laughed.

Stan quickly turned away.

"I changed my mind. How soon can I get an invite?"

"What, you into vamp kids?" Kyle grinned, nudging him slightly.

"Dude- vamp kids getting involved? This party is going to be a train wreck. I wouldn't miss it for the world."

"I'll get you the address, then."

The bell rang.

After exchanging their goodbyes, Kyle and Stan walked in opposite directions to their classroom.

Kyle put his hand over the area where the invite used to be, and sighed.

Who knows. Maybe this party would be a good thing for him?

 


End file.
